Kindness is a gift that should always be returned

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

I want to be a millionaire just like my dad.

 

Was your father a millionaire?

 

No, but he wanted to be a millionaire.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. The week had been like folding a fitted sheet. The weather wouldn’t leave me alone.

Grocery stores were rushed like a quarterback dropping back to pass in the last few seconds of a game. Coffee was being served on a stick. When it was 21 degrees below zero, minus 37 with the wind chill; it was cold enough for me. It could have been worse.

The wind chill was minus 61 degrees at the Grand Marais Airport. I walked like a penguin

to keep physics from taking over and putting me down on the ice.

 

I saw a “no passing” sign that had been clipped and ditched. Who knows what hit it, but it wasn’t one of the two empty plastic trash bins that had been stationed side by side at the end of a driveway along a highway before they parted ways. One was in the ditch on the east side of the road and the other on the west side. They were victims of our varied weather patterns.

 

A DAY OR TWO IN A LIFE

I had a sliver or a poisonous blowgun dart in my foot. I’m not sure which. I soaked my trotter in Epsom salt. The sliver came out. I’m not saying it was big, but if the sliver had been a walleye, it’d been a keeper.

 

I watched a high school basketball game (not in the Midwest) in which four fans were kicked out of the gym for offering constructive criticisms complete with vulgarities to the referees. I expect that school will hold a referendum to pay those four to stay home on game nights.

 

I’M A TRUCKER HAULING STORIES

I used to make a daily walk across the Washington Avenue Bridge to move between the East Bank and West Bank portions of the University of Minnesota. My mother gave me a scarf the length of two VW Bugs I wrapped around my melon to keep my thoughts from freezing.

 

I no longer own that scarf, so I needed to drive to the eastern edge of Iowa, not far from the Mississippi River, near the town of Walcott, to get to the Iowa 80 Truckstop, the World’s Largest Truckstop, which features seven restaurants, barber shop, chiropractor, dentist, movie theater, workout room, showers, laundry facilities, library, truck wash, pet wash, chapel, service center, trucking museum, 900 truck parking places, 225 acres, convenience store—oh, yeah, and fuel. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and haven’t closed their doors since opening them in 1964.

 

ASK AL

“What should I do if my dog gets sprayed by a skunk?” Give the canine to a brother-in-law as a surprise birthday gift.

 

“What did people do before there were cameras?” They stared at things for a long time.

 

“What caused the sinking of the Titanic?” An impatient and rude passenger who yelled, “What does a man have to do to get ice around here?”

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

A friend has two tickets to the Super Bowl. She didn’t realize that was on the same day as her wedding. If you’re interested and want to go instead of her, it’s at the biggest Lutheran Church in Kansas City and the groom’s name is Bruce.

 

How do sheep laugh? Baha.

 

NATURE NOTES

A great horned owl hoots “Who’s awake? Me too” outside Darwyn Olson’s residence near Hartland. Darwyn wondered how to attract owls. After figuring out whooo is in your area, you could do several things to encourage these raptors. A large birdbath can entice owls.

Installing nesting boxes and keeping tree branches long for owls to perch on make for a hospitable habitat. Since owls are nocturnal, keep outside lights to a minimum at night.

Downed logs and brush piles lure owls. If you raise rabbits or domestic fowl, a great horned owl might not be good company. If nothing else works, try dressing like a vole, the potato chip of the prairie, or like a skunk if you can pass the sniff test. Great horned owls eat skunks.

 

I saw a robin stubbornly spending the winter here. They are tough. That’s why one of them became Batman’s sidekick.

 

There are signs of spring that might be overly optimistic. Black-capped chickadees are singing “fee-bee” or “spring’s here,” and woodpeckers are drumming.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

Kindness is one gift that should always be returned.