The results speak for themselves

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

Did you notice the notice?

I noticed the notice.

Did you notice it wasn’t worth noticing?

I noticed.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Spring brings high school baseball and softball with fans wearing the wrong coats. On the farm, we had cattle, pigs, chickens, ducks, geese, goats, guinea fowl, pigeons, dogs, cats, a parakeet, goldfish, peafowl and hamsters. The sense of smell is closely related to memory. A whiff of something can trigger a memory. Using a ballfield’s porta-potty, I remembered we had an outhouse.

 

LAWRENCE WRECK

A few years back, I did an on-air pledge drive for KSMQ-TV during “The Lawrence Welk Show.” Many viewers considered the champagne music style with its bubble machine releasing bubbles across the bandstand as the theme song "Bubbles in the Wine" played, to be a match for Welk’s famous tagline, "Wunnerful, wunnerful!" My parents favored the Champagne Lady Norma Zimmer, Myron Floren (The Happy Norwegian) and his accordion, Larry Hooper’s basso profundo voice rendition of “This Old House,” and Big Tiny Little who played a tiny, big piano or a big, tiny piano. I forget which. I paid little attention to the show, unless Lawrence introduced the lovely Lennon sisters. That was Mr. Welk’s secret signal for me to pay attention. And I did.

 

TRANSISTOR RADIO

I was 12 and saved up enough money from walking bean rows and baling hay to buy a small GE transistor radio. It was AM only, but it worked in the PM too. I listened to it constantly, blowing through 9-volt batteries. In the 1960s, carbon-zinc was the dominant, standard battery technology. Those batteries struggled with high-drain devices (like portable radios), lasting only a blink of an eye before needing replacement. They were the printer ink cartridges of the time. I listened to WDGY, WLS, KOMA, WBZ, KDKA and KAAY. I enjoyed two kinds of music—both rock and roll.

 

I’VE LEARNED

Mr. Potato Head never stifles a sneeze.

 

Veget is one of the world’s greatest ables.

 

Too many politicians would rather see the country fail than their opponents succeed.

 

Iowa created its first major state tax in 1921 when the General Assembly passed a 2-cent-per-package tax on cigarettes. Iowa was the first state to pass a cigarette tax.

 

BAD JOKESDEPARTMENT

Scientists grew human vocal cords in a test tube. The results speak for themselves.

 

When my wife saw me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach, she said, “That won’t help!” I replied, “It helps. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

 

There are two types of people in this world. People who finish what they start.

 

NATURE NOTES

A bumblebee buzzed by my ear. The popular myth that bumblebees shouldn’t be able to fly began in 1934, when a French entomologist noted that a bee's flight should be impossible. Bees should be able to fly because they do fly. Their wings twist and rotate, creating enough lift to make it possible for bees to become and remain airborne.

 

Goldfinches are picky eaters and want fresh seeds. Nyjer has a high oil content, thin shells and provides protein and energy. When Nyjer gets wet, it clumps like cat litter and can spoil or become moldy. If Nyjer gets moldy, remove it and clean the feeder with a 10% bleach-water solution. Oily seeds can go rancid, emitting a foul odor. Sniff them and you’ll know. Nyjer seed can also dry out. Crush the seeds onto a white paper towel and look for oil blotches. If oil stains are present, the seed is fresh. If the seeds look dull and aren’t shiny, replace them with a fresh batch. Nyjer seed isn’t derived from thistles, but from an African yellow daisy. I think the seeds are best served in an open tray (metal or plastic) to reduce the chances of conjunctivitis.

 

A robin fights with my bedroom window. A pair claims a territory and defends it from other robins. When one male spots another, a chasing fight ensues. The dominant male gets the desired territory. The window acts as a mirror. A robin is so territorial that he makes an enemy of his image. The reflection refuses to flee. Being persistent and stubborn, the robin refuses to negotiate peace with itself. I could soap the outside of the window or cover it with cardboard, black nylon screen, painter’s cloth, or plastic cling to block the assailant’s image. Covering the inside of the window enhances reflections. Plastic owls and fake snakes don’t help.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

Offer a kind word to another. It’s not taxable.