Grawlix is the symbol for swearing

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

My Uncle Luther could hold his breath for 30 minutes.

That’s incredible.

Not really. He could do it only once.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. The weather was doing well given the circumstances–it was winter. We didn’t need more snow—the Winter Olympics were over. A couple of mornings each week, I find myself at a clinic doing rehab therapy by spending time with an elliptical whatchamacallit and visiting with others who have become their own concerned caregivers. I enjoy it. Maybe I’m not doing it right? I meet people as I walk the halls on my way to my destination. “How are you doing?” I ask. If they reply, “Not too bad,” which means they’re doing well. If they say “Not too good,” I know they’re not doing well.

 

I WAS HAPPY, BUT I DIDN’T DARE SHOW IT

I needed to renew my driver’s license. There was no line. If there was, I was the only one in it. I passed the eye test and the checkbook test, so the next step was to have my photo taken so they could put my image on the license. I was told not to smile and that eyeglasses weren’t allowed on a driver's license photo. I, sans cheaters and anything resembling a grin or smirk, backed up against a wall and had my photo taken. I tried to convey the appearance of someone who had just been stopped by a police officer. One of my eyebrows (I have two) raised on its own accord. It arched like Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers films. Any peace officer seeing me would naturally assume I’m a doer of dastardly deeds.

 

A ROOM FOR EACH CARD IN THE DECK

A house on Lake Minnetonka had its sale price reduced from $68 million to only $55 million. Once upon a time, I was a young fellow walking along Summit Avenue in St. Paul. It was lined with big houses. Nay, it was lined with mansions. People with good jobs or no need to have jobs lived there. I figured each house had 52 rooms—one for each week. I reckoned each one had 366 windows. That way, the residents could look out a different window every day of the year, including a leap year. I wasn’t envious. I grew up in an old farmhouse that had a phone in every room—if every room was the living room. And when the outhouse roof was leaking, the outhouse came with a shower. Life was good.

 

THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR

How was school?

Good.

How about more than a one-word answer?

Pretty good.

 

I’VE LEARNED

Grawlix (symbol swearing) refers to the use of typographical symbols in place of an obscenity (e.g., #$%@!%&$) used in comic strips.

 

Doing nothing is not a hobby.

 

Old cuckoo clocks don’t belong in bird’s nest soup.

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

Wanted: Someone to brush their teeth with me because 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't prevent tooth decay.

 

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A lawyer charges more.

 

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Remorse code.

 

Did you hear about the new surgeon doll? It operates on batteries.

 

NATURE NOTES

The founding fathers wrote the U.S. Constitution with founding feathers, the quills from geese. Some flamboyant writers preferred to use swan feathers for their scribbling. Quill pens date to the Dark Ages, when feathers replaced the hollow reeds used by the Romans. People sometimes used turkey or crow feathers. Thomas Jefferson bred special geese to keep himself in writing implements. Wing feathers were buried in hot, dry sand to harden the points. A penknife was used to cut the nib into a V-shape and to trim the nibs of worn quills. Britain imported 27 million quills a year from Russia. By the middle of the 19th century, steel nibs were on the way to overtaking quills. In the 20th century, the fountain pen, ballpoint and rollerball arrived.

 

I saw a perched hawk in a faraway tree. The light allowed no color to be seen. How did I know it was a hawk and not a crow? In general, perching raptors sit upright, whereas perched non-raptors, such as crows, lean forward over their feet.

 

I saw geese that weren’t flying high in a single file instead of a typical V-formation. What was going on? It was a fire drill.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

“You can always give something, even if it is only kindness.”–Anne Frank.